Usually in January of each year I write out resolutions to reach.
Guides to light my path for the coming year.
Typically I’d write them with the intent of accomplishing some goal.

When I was younger they were pretty materialistic.
Make a million dollars. Get a higher paying job. Win some election.
Become (more) famous. (I always thought I already was)

Then something happened to me.
Later in life. I lost someone.
One of my heroes. Probably my first mentor.
I felt alone. Not ready to be on my own.
No longer able to talk and ask why.
Or ask how.

Now I wonder if I could become like him.
Maybe not a hero.
A mentor?
Could I now answer the whys? The hows?
To give and not always take.

Maybe I’m just mellowing.
Definitely seem more reflective.
On what?

My place.
How incredible fortunate I’ve been.
Time and its fleetness.
Wondering why the world’s problems that we fought against when I was younger are still are with us today.
Why is there so much hate?
Haven’t we gotten any better?

Stopped worrying too about what my legacy will be.
It doesn’t matter anymore.
Instead realizing maybe in fact I’m meant to fulfill someone else’s.

Thinking more about relationships.
Have I been grateful to others?
Treated with compassion?
Practice humility?
Helping others?

I read somewhere that we should “honor” those we come in contact everyday.
To see their potential instead of their flaws.
Recognizing each one as a gift.
That they have dignity.

A friend has told me about not assigning intent.
To not assume we know what others intend.
By their words. Their actions.
Makes sense.

It’s not January anymore.
But I think I’ve found my guides for this year.

I recognize the struggle in front of me.
But, I’ll try today.
And start over tomorrow.

JT