Having bats in your house is not something I would recommend to anyone. They kind of freak me out. Look at them. They’re flying mice. Only creepier.

Now let me qualify here, I’m not advising anyone to break the law, or anger animal rights activists. Or upset anyone. I figure it’s better to apologize in advance to anyone I may offend, and CYA for me, anyone who might not be offended.

I read in my local paper today about a local politician who wrote a joke in his party’s newsletter. A joke about the President that was racially insensitive, intolerant and not funny at all. One by one individuals in his party began to fall over themselves demanding his resignation. I’m OK with all of that. But the reporter in the article wrote that what was even more upsetting was that he only apologized to those he offended!

So, not wanting to make the same mistake…

Back to bats.

It’s been many years since the bats invaded my home. One night my daughter Niki was in bed and she woke up crying. You guessed it. I went in her room to comfort her and help her get back to sleep. What woke her up I asked? “A big black butterfly was flying around,” she said. “Now now, just calm down. I’m here.” I figured she was only 4 so she must have been dreaming. After awhile, she went back to sleep.

The next night, I’m sleeping in my bed when suddenly something above me starts fluttering and begins to circle my bed! I quickly turned on the light to see a big black butterfly zooming down towards my head! I pull the covers over and begin screaming! Yes, when I was younger I screamed. You’d scream too. This one was the size of a…flying rat!

NOT A BUTTERFLY AT ALL NIKI!!

OK, now what do I do? I call my brother to come over. He’s my younger brother so he has to come over. When he arrives, we arm ourselves. I put on an army helmet, he puts on a batting helmet. I have a tennis racket and a broom. He had a tennis racket. We force the bat to the main floor. Truth Alert: Actually, we followed the bat to the main floor.

For Reader clarification, I had just moved into the house. I didn’t have any curtains up in the living room – the room where the bat led us. So with lights on, and I’m sure all the neighbors watching, my brother and I flayed away. Never really able to actually hit the creature. (That’s for all the activists reading) We eventually, hours later, managed to force the bat outside … and that was that.

Until the 2nd bat came in. Now, this was weeks later and, of course, a well meaning friend said, “You know, bats always come in twos. If you get one there’s always a second one.”
OK, hello sleepless nights!
And yes, smart guy, you were right.

When the 2nd one came, I again called my brother. We do the same thing all over again. We armed ourselves and forced (followed) the bat downstairs and eventually out the front door.

And that’s how you take care of bats in the house.

Then a few years later, I get a call from my brother. It was late, like early morning late.
“Can you come over to my house, I’ve got bats.”
Really? “You’ll be fine,” I said.
“No come over..now!”
“It’s late!”
“I came over to your house twice!” CLICK!
So, I thought I’d humor him and I came over to his house.

He had a bat colony in his attic!
Not one and then another. No, he had hundreds!
I did not scream. But, I couldn’t help him. No sir. Not at all.

So he called an exterminator.

And this is how you get rid of bats.
You call your brother. And then you call a professional.

JT
To get a bat out of hell.. click the video link