I hope so.

But if we are, then the other side, the union, our competitors, etc they must be the BAD Guys, right?

It’s easy to think of those on the other side of the table as the Bad guys. But are they?

Whenever I’ve trained supervisors, I’d hear the horror stories about the other side.
And I’ve witnessed plenty of outbursts at the negotiating table from them too.

Why are they like that?

The approach I’ve always tried to take is this:

Don’t take it personally. Rule #1 …AND Rule #2! (For those keeping track).

I once worked with a negotiator, he was very good at what he did. Always prepared and ready, very matter of fact. The other side loved to try to get him riled up!
Did they succeed?
No, but they still tried each time they met, pushing the limits.

What did they hope to accomplish?
To get my guy off his game. It was nothing more than a strategy.

I’ve worked with all sorts of negotiators on the other side. One in particular, with each succeeding contract got more and more angry! By the 2nd or 3rd contract, you’d think Lenny Bruce (if you remember him) or Lisa Lampenelli staged a second coming (in Lenny’s case) and showed up at our negotiations. Profanity laced, insulting; the color blue hung in the air.

Again, why?
Two reasons:
1. to keep their side motivated and involved, ramped up even; and
2. to throw our side off our game.
They wanted nothing better than for us to respond in kind.
Then they could go to our principals, outside sources, whoever, and make the case that we were being unreasonable.

Was it effective? It was – only if we allowed it to be.
The best response to this strategy is a minimal response. If it gets too bad, leave the table, returning when they’ve “calmed” down.

So even if they curse at us in front of our team, they aren’t bad?
Well, I go with the thought it’s only a strategy their using. They want me to get angry and lose sight of my end game.

It’s not an easy concept to accept. And it doesn’t mean we have to be pushovers either. We can respond firmly but without anger. without taking it personally.

And, quite honestly, I’ve had members on my side get all riled up too. Some you’d think were about to burst blood vessels ranting about the other side. According to my team, those other guys were “all bad, all evil, 24/7.”

I don’t see it that way. Oh yeah, there have been some real difficult people I’ve had to deal with but evil? No.

And yes, I have gotten upset at the table. I don’t normally, so when I do, I’m making a point! For them to think about. Does it work? It has for me.

So, is the other side good too? I like to think so.
They’re just coming at me from a different perspective. They have to please their members as well. Just like we have to please our principals – employers, our team, ourselves, etc.

To me, a successful negotiation results when both sides can walk away satisfied that they got the best deal possible. I don’t get everything I want and neither do they.

When I stopped thinking in terms of good guys (me) versus bad guys (them), I stopped taking it personally and saw through their strategies.

Think about it.
There’s room enough for more good guys.
And, every now and then, good guys win.

JT

check out the link below – Take it away jimmy b!