When I was younger I remember my dad talking about Franklin Delano Roosevelt. He was a young boy when FDR was first elected President. Dad told me that during the run up to World War II, FDR was giving a speech somewhere denouncing war and said, “I hate war! Eleanor (his wife) hates war! And..(dramatic pause) I hate Eleanor!”
We would laugh at this, “I hate Eleanor!” How funny. I really never knew if FDR really said that. It didn’t matter, my dad said he did. He was pretty young when FDR was President so I don’t know if he got the quote right or wrong. Or maybe it was one of those times when he and his friends would just make things up and over his life time it became gospel truth. I didn’t think about it. But it was one of those moments I’ve always remembered. Dad laughed, I laughed. All was right in the world.
I can still picture in my mind the image of FDR, his cigarette holder pointed up and through clenched teeth, growling “And I hate Eleanor!”
As I got older I often retold that story. I’d get some laughs, sometimes quizzical looks. “Really! FDR said that!” Yep, I’d say, my dad told me. But over time a funny thing happened. I began to wonder why FDR would say such a thing about his wife. Can you imagine the blow back if Barack said something like that about Michelle!
Yet for so many years it was real to me. Why? Because it was my Dad telling me. As a boy, and I don’t think I ever outgrew it, he was big, strong, tough and funny, a real scorch! Sometimes his bark was loud but then he’d flash his compassionate side. He told us right from wrong. I never knew him to actually get into a fist fight, (Oh there were some close encounters!) but we knew he could back up his words! I wanted to be just like him. I think all us did.
I know this isn’t unique just to me. We all have someone or something that we place all our faith, our trust, maybe even our lives on the line for: a belief or cause or person. It’s not wrong. We all do it. Sometimes we are told from birth just what to believe, what is real. Not necessarily wrong of them but we need to learn to recognize it when it happens.
Why? As we negotiate contracts or life, we need to be open to the fact that sometimes our beliefs, thoughts or actions aren’t always based on what’s real or true. We need to discover what IS real or true for us – before we can experience success. You can’t successfully negotiate anything if your operating under a false belief. Your foundation (argument) will crumble to dust.
So does this mean my Dad was wrong? The story not real? I guess I could Google the story to be certain but it doesn’t matter anymore. My Dad may have been right or wrong – MY reality is the moment he and I shared laughing at his story. That’s what is real.
If reality isn’t always what we perceive, then we must find what is real and true. Often times, what is real for me is not real for you. I see the sky as blue but you see it as black. We each have a perception of what is real – seen through our own unique lenses. Each of us thinks we are right. So what’s the solution?
We need to be more open, and not close, minded.
Our goal is to be aware, to be awake to what is actually happening, in our lives. Real life often isn’t good or bad – it just is. And it often doesn’t wait for us wake up and take notice. And if we don’t notice it- what’s real and true just might smack us in the face. We won’t see it coming and then watch out!
For sometimes… “Reality Hits you Hard Bro!”
Which brings us to…
RULE #4 Know What’s Real.