I don’t know about you but I get tired of rules. No, I actually hate them. I remember, as a young boy, my mom telling me about following rules, etc., (did all parents do this? and I told her the rules were for other people because I was the exception. And every Rule has one. Even then I had an answer for everything. I thought I was being clever. Don’t know exactly what she thought but pretty sure “he’s clever” wasn’t it. Pretty sure she still loved me anyway.

Now I know, I’ve been writing this blog about Rules for negotiations – I’ve finished 3. But I need a break. I don’t like rules I’m betting you don’t either. Rules are for the other guys not me.

In my life growing up, I soon realized if I really needed something I could go all out and take care of it. If a term paper needed to be done, I did it the night before it was due. Sleep was optional not mandatory. Homework could always be done in the class before I needed to hand it in. I did enough to get by. The ‘rules’ about proper preparation didn’t apply.

At work it was the same, I could get assignments done last-minute, no one was the wiser, and the boss loved my work. It was so easy. Friends needed something – no sweat – I got it done, maybe not always on time. I was super busy! But they could all count on me.

Yet…something was missing. I wasn’t accomplishing all that I thought I should. Every time I thought I had everything figured out something would happen. Something unexpected or something I forgot to do. OK, maybe I didn’t plan things out very well, I didn’t always have to. Things worked out before why not now?

Now if your thinking I had one of those “A Ha” moments, I didn’t. Not one maybe but hundreds of them. I would think about it and vow to change only to fall back taking things easy. I’d figure it out – I needed to be better organized, or maybe get more serious about whatever it was, or get disciplined. Maybe read more books on a subject before I tackled the problem. Maybe just procrastinate and do everything at the last-minute. I was often at my best “flying by the seat of my pants.” I read that sometimes our problems in life were the result of not saying “no” enough. I took that to mean say no to everything. Or maybe the solution was to say “Yes” to everything, I forget. So I went through a “yes” to everything period too.

All good attempts but not quite hitting the mark. I eventually discovered that for me I needed some help. If I could follow along in the little things maybe the bigger things in life could be easier to get.

So…I….made…a…decision…to

Follow some rules!
Too much admission, ( I don’t like Rules!) call them guidelines!

In my martial arts training, I was taught that to be a master of anything, one must be able to focus on the smallest detail and perform it well. The mere task of preparing tea, pouring and serving it could mark one as a Master. In eastern thought, if one is a Master at one thing it also meant that they were a Master in other areas. One to be respected and, in some cases, feared. There is the story of a fierce samurai warrior coming to a village to challenge the local samurai warrior. He stopped by the dwelling of the local samurai to share tea. Upon observing the detail and precision of the local master in serving tea, he knew this was not a warrior to trifle with. After drinking his tea, the Samurai thanked his host and then slipped out of the village.

How could I focus on these small details? How could I be a Master?

These Rules, through trial and error, came to life. Not all at once but over time. There were many steps forward only to fall back and being forced to start over again. Are they the answer for everyone? I don’t know, but they’ve worked for me. First in my field – negotiating contracts and then in my approach to life’s curves, the valleys and peaks.

Now, if you’ve thought this blog would teach you how to get everything you ever wanted by “negotiating” for yourself without regard for the other person – you’ll be disappointed. I’ve never been a fan of the take it or leave it persuasion. I also think that attempting to make every situation a “win-win” isn’t always attainable either. Sometimes it comes down to simply “what can you live with?”

I recently met with a client, who I have known for over 15 years, to negotiate a contract and was given a list of what her group wanted to get, before I could respond she said to me “I know you are going to ask me what am I prepared to give up to get what we want.” She was right. It doesn’t have to work out to be a “win-win” but no one gives up anything for nothing.

Let’s work on the Rules.

JT