Have you ever been a part of a conversation where both you and your friend are speaking yet not connecting? I don’t mean where you are poles apart and will probably never reach agreement. No, I mean when you both are making the exact same point but your friend is disagreeing and then attempts to convince you to agree to his point – which is the same point you just made. The conversations usually go back and forth where one of you, ( in my life, it’s always the other person) keeps saying “I know but..” and then reexplains the same thing you just said. I understand my point, why can’t they stop and listen to me? Frustrating right? You both are saying the exact same thing but no one is in agreement. The discussion (argument ) just keeps going.

Well, that brings us to Rule #3 – Know the language.

Kind of like know the territory but we’re talking communication here. In life and negotiations, the ability to communicate is essential. Now I do assume that everyone we regularly communicate with speaks in a similar tongue. Not talking about speaking in tongues, either. But, if you can’t speak the same language on roughly the same level you just might just as well forget reaching a resolution. And I don’t mean to imply the intellectual level has to be equal, just that you need to know where they’re coming from and if possible where they want to end up.

I once negotiated a contract for a large State agency and the other side’s negotiator spent the time explaining and reexplaining a very technical, detailed point about his side’s proposal. Not being technically astute, I had no idea what he was proposing, what he wanted or even what he said. Our day at the table went nowhere. After the session, I pulled him aside and told him my problem with his proposal. I had no idea what he was talking about! He told me he had prepared his presentation extensively knowing it was key to his side. I think he also wanted to impress his team with his vast knowledge of what they did at work. Not a bad tactic for his benefit with them but it didn’t help his cause getting me to understand it! After some discussion I finally understood. Turned out what he really wanted wasn’t a big deal to my side, just that he didn’t know how else to propose it.

This seems like a cliche, I know, but communication is always key – not just in speaking but listening as well. Sometimes we’re faced with a person who always needs to talk, sometimes over you. They talk and talk because they don’t want to hear what you have to say. You won’t get far. I tend to avoid those people. If I can’t, then I have to focus hard so that when they come up for air I can make my point in the conversation. Just as it’s important I understand what they are trying to say, they also have to understand my point before any resolution is possible.

Sometimes we have to dig a bit to discover what the other person is saying in order to reach a resolution. Sometimes all we need do is listen….

Rule #3 Know the Language.

To help, a gift from Nico (“…the best song ever”)

Enjoy!

JT

What Does the Fox Say?

Ylvis – The Fox (What does the Fox say?) [Official music video HD]