It’s today.
No, not that Judgment Day.

I mean the day we (I) spend assessing the intent of everyone else.
That judgement day.
It’s Everyday.

This is not something new. It’s been with me all my life.
That ability to look at everyone else and, well you know, judge them.
To know why it is they do the things they do.

See, I’ve always known why people act the way they do.
It’s because they’re (fill in a reason here)!
I think it’s because I assume everyone else thinks exactly like me. And of course, they all try to make my life more difficult.

It’s funny, but I don’t ever apply this judging view to myself. Because it doesn’t apply.
It’s hard to see our actions or admit their consequences, but it’s easy to know our intentions.
“I didn’t mean to do that!” “No, you misunderstood me!”
The proper term to use here is rationalization.
As in “I can rationalize everything I do.”
Yes, I do.

In fact, I’ve even been called judgemental.
And then, I’d joke that the person accusing is being, yes, judgemental.
Of me.
And then I would get upset that I was called judgemental.

But it’s true. I am.
Maybe you’ve seen this behavior as well. In others?

This judging doesn’t just happen in my personal life either. It’s at work too.

Here’s an example.
With all of the labor contracts I’ve negotiated in my career, I successfully completed all of them.
Everyone I started, except one.

In that one, my side didn’t want to compromise. We didn’t want to reach a resolution for both parties. In short, we wanted an agreement on our terms alone.

Our employer had assumed the other side representing our employees had the same rational understanding of the terrible fiscal conditions facing our state as we did (meaning we expected them to give up many concessions in exchange for staying employed) AND we assumed if they didn’t agree with us then they just didn’t care about the welfare of our State, were themselves very selfish and only wanted to help themselves, not the employer, not our employees, not the taxpayers.

In other words we were confident they would agree with us in order to save their jobs.

We assumed we knew their intent. And because we assumed to know it, we made proposals that would help us reach our goals but not theirs. As I mentioned, we couldn’t reach an agreement for that contract. We assumed and judged the other side incorrectly.

Sometime ago, a good friend told me, as part of her New Year’s resolution, she was going to strive that year to not assume intent. She explained her goal was to never assume she knew what the intent was of another. That resolution opened up my mind to what I had been doing all my life.

I had never considered that I really didn’t know exactly what the other person:
was actually thinking;
was going through.
I never thought about what their circumstances were, etc. And simply never considered that others may not see life exactly like I do.

I assumed I knew why they did the things they did. Or said.

Slowly, I realized that no one considered me so important in their lives that their number 1 goal was to make my life difficult. Maybe, just maybe, they were just living their own lives. And were struggling with their own obstacles, oblivious to mine.

And so, I try to no longer assume to know why they’re acting the way they do. Maybe it is stupid, but maybe it’s not. I just don’t know. The why is no longer necessary for me to dwell on.

Since I first heard this, I’ve tried to implement this in my personal life.
Note: It ain’t easy.

But since I have, I’ve also noticed I’m not as mad at the world anymore.

Don’t assume intent.
Don’t judge.
Focus on Relations
And making them better.

You might end up settling more contracts.

JT