When you’re negotiating, sometimes you also find yourself on the hot seat. Maybe people will get mad a you.
Usually it’s the other side, sometimes it’s your own.

Can’t let them get to you. In Reaching Resolutions 10 Rules for Success. Rule #1 is Don’t take it personally.
It’s true, whenever you do, you lose your focus as well as your direction. You get angry too.

I can’t claim that I never take it personally. Sometimes I have and it’s always worked against me. And I’ve seen it happen to others. The moment anyone takes what’s said or what is being done in a personal way, they lose.

I wrote a couple of months ago how I lost a friend. I recently lost a friend….. She got so angry (taking things personally) with the direction of our negotiations that she announced publicly that I was no longer a friend. That I no longer could be trusted and so she was severing all ties. It made me sad because I knew deep down she was scared. Scared of where her union might be heading.

While I try to avoid taking things personally I know it’s not always an easy thing to do. I used to be in an elected public office. That rough and tumble world where anyone and everything is fair game to attack.

One time one of my yard signs was picked up. It wasn’t stolen as would sometimes happen. No, it was picked up and hurled through the owners’ front picture window. It landed in his living room.

Or the times my home telephone would ring and who ever would answer, my daughters, my son or my wife would be treated to a scathing accounting of what a horrible human being I happened to be. No words were spared, not even to my 8 year old.

Maybe all this prepared me for negotiating labor contracts. I’ve negotiated over 50 labor contracts in my career. I’ve had to testify in many labor cases, often times cross examined by attorneys tasked to attack me, my testimony, my credibility and sometimes even my reputation.

Sometimes after many months of negotiations, the union and the employees would face hard choices. People become scared. People become angry. Maybe at me, maybe at their own negotiatiors who agreed with the very provisions that led them to the point of difficult decisions. One time flyers were distributed calling me names. One said I was a liar.

I’ve always believed this type of action was designed for two reasons.
1. To rally and unify their base of support. Focusing their efforts against a common enemy. And,
2. To try to intimidate or back down the opponent.

But the longer I’ve done this, the second rationale has virtually no effect on me. Maybe the yard sign incident, or the hate calls, have left me cold to these tactics.

And anyway, as a good friend recently told me, “Revenge is best served cold…and best by someone else.”

So last week, I get a package in the mail. No return address, just my name and my home address. I carefully opened the envelope. There was a small package inside with a printed note. Looking at the note, I read that the package was from a site called Ruin Your Day. It said “Choose your own options.”
That was all.
Maybe that was a quote of something I had said at the bargaining table. I did say that employees would be able to to do just that for health insurance coverage.

Oh and the small package? Inside was a package of gummy candy.
Each in the shape of a little penis.
And printed on the penis package?
The encouraging statement of “Eat a bag of dicks!”

Nice try nameless person.
I’m sure the people you represent feel better.
Hope you do too.

Peace
JT

Take it Marvin….