This post is NOT about those people who create some difficultly in our lives.

You know, those people that are annoying but not real bad. The know it alls. Highly opinionated, never wrong, etc.

No, not them.

I didn’t think this blog would be posted if I said “how to handle “A” holes!”

You know, the type of person that James Altucher (www.jamesaltucher.com) calls a “crappy person.” Someone you wouldn’t want to spend 5 minutes with. A real A hole!

I’ve known a few people like that. Maybe you do too. People that make everyone else extremely miserable. Really, what’s their deal?

Here’s one that I know.

Was married, had kids, lived his life doing nothing but criticizing, bullying and complaining. Always the victim, he used that to play on people’s sympathies. And it works, until they get tired of his constant harping and refusal to do anything to improve his lot in life. Can’t always be the victim, if you get better.

Why’s he like that? Not sure, I mean, he complains about everything and everyone so it’s hard to narrow down the root cause. Maybe he had an unhappy childhood, maybe he’s paranoid. It really doesn’t’ matter.

End result: No longer married, kids don’t speak to him. No responsibility at all for his actions. All alone.
He’s ended up in his current situation entirely because of individual choices HE made throughout his life.

By the way, this is true for all us. We are “Here” mainly because of Our choices.

Oh, and I have helped him along the way. So have others. But, eventually, everyone just gets worn down by the constant backstabbing, lying, carping etc.

Most of the difficult/crappy people in our lives are the people we are close to.

Think about it.. Who gives you the most agita? The most grief? Your boss, neighbor, family member? The people who upset us the most are the ones closest to us. You can be mad at politicians, the Korean dictator or whoever. But they don’t keep us up at night worrying because we’re not particularly close to them.

So what to do?
The choice is simple, the doing is often hard.
In my experience there are only 2 ways to deal with people like that.

1. Don’t react to them.
2. Avoid them.

So back to my guy, I tried to not react, number 1 above right?
I tried.
Too hard.
I wanted to respond to everything he said to me and I sometimes did.
When I reacted, I got upset.
Playing over and over in my mind what he did, what I said, what I’ll say the next time etc.

Here’s my deal.
If I’m upset, I don’t sleep well because I’m thinking about whatever or whoever is upsetting me. When I don’t sleep well then the next day goes south. If the day goes south then I’m tired, if I’m tired… well you get it. Enough of these kind of days and I become the THAT crappy person.

I had to learn to control my reactions. That was my struggle. I finally got to the point where I simply realized it was useless for me to continue hitting my head against the wall.

So I turned to the 2nd option: I minimized contact. That proved far easier for me.

Either learn how to deal with them or…leave them alone. Minimize contact with them.

But I can’t leave my….(job, friends, sibling, etc.) OK. I understand. Then you’ll need to change your re-action whenever you’re with them. It’s how you react to them that causes the grief.

Think of it this way: If you don’t react to their crappy – ness, are you still mad? Angry?
No, because you now have taken control of your reaction.

And yes, It is hard to do that! It is, and even though I’m writing this, I struggle with it daily. My only recourse sometimes is to minimize contact.

I’m only telling you what I do, what works for me.

I wrote, a few posts back, about my resolutions for the new year and how I wanted to be happy and avoid the “crappy” people. I received a reader response stating being happy must be easy for me as I must have the “means” to be happy and that not everyone is able to be happy. I assumed she meant that with all that goes on in our world, life is hard. And the people may be crappy because of things beyond their control. Valid points to raise.

While I did appreciate the feedback, I truly think we all have the ability to be happy. It isn’t about the means – money, fame, or success. Can we be happy watching a sunset? Or by being grateful for what we do have? Watching our children grow?

And our circumstances we find ourselves in, whether from birth or not is not a excuse to be unhappy.
Certainly no reason to hurt others and make them miserable.

Life is already hard so why not choose to be happy?
For me, I’d rather be happy than angry or upset.

Bottom-line, I really don’t want to deal with difficult or crappy people.
I will try to control my reaction, maybe attempt to improve the situation but if it doesn’t work and I’m starting to get angry, then I minimize contact.

Am I running away? Maybe, but remember my goal is to be happy. Not win every fight.

Again, if someone is so miserable and decides they must make everyone else’s life miserable then why would anyone want to deal with them? Would you? I don’t.

Having said that, I do acknowledge: In my circle of family and friends – I do have to be on my guard that I’m Not The Crappy Person! And the best way to do that is to work on being happy.

So back to that guy I know.

After I minimized contact: I’m sleeping better, I feel better and he,.. well, …he’s the same.

JT

Check the video link below and Be Happy!
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