Part Two
Rule # 1 is Don’t Take it Personal
I know your probably thinking that’s real easy for me. I’ve done this for 30 years. Nothing fazes me.
Well it’s true. Nothing fazes me… until it does. Ask my wife, or my kids, or for that matter anyone who knows me.
When I’m on my game, it sometimes still is a real struggle. We all have feelings, right. When I’m working on a contract I know not to take anything personally. I’m getting paid to not take it personal. But sometimes I do.
I didn’t want to feel that I wasn’t good enough to sit at the table. If they yelled at me, I wanted to yell back. If I was criticized I had to defend myself.
Needless to say whenever this happened, I “felt” good about myself that I stood up and responded but in reality I hadn’t really accomplished anything at the negotiating table. I mistakenly believed I had to respond to everything to make sure the other side knew I deserved to be there.
And the process would just drag on. In those early negotiating days, the sessions took forever to finish.
As soon as I figured out that the other person deliberately tried to get me to react personally in order to take control of the session I have to admit it become somewhat easier for me. I was lucky it only took a few years…. I was such a quick study.
But that’s work you say! Not everything at work applies to my life! Certainly Not My Personal life!
Well, let’s look at that. I knew a guy. You probably do too. This guy was the most miserable, unhappy person I think I’d ever met. Even when he was happy , he wasn’t! Nothing was his fault. He took no ownership of anything – his life, his job, his friends ( both of them), or the truth.
I had known this guy awhile but didn’t really have any close dealings with him so I simply had thought everything was cool. It wasn’t. He started out saying things , ridiculously stupid things behind my back. After awhile when I became aware of it, I went to him – surely this must be a mistake. He told me I was mistaken. He would never do that. I let it go.
As you can guess, he continued the attacks, I went to him again, this time angry. I still can’t believe he’s doing this, right? He gives me no satisfaction, said it’s in the past, forget about it. What? He lied to me! He did actually say all that “stuff!” I can’t believe it! But now I’m upset, And very angry.
Why did this happen to me, I ask myself.
I spent a month of my life trying to figure out just what was going on. I took it personally. The lies, the stories he made up – after I came to my senses – were so ridiculous! If any of my true friends believed any of it, well they couldn’t be that smart after all – That’s how utterly ridiculous they were. – To this day I can’t believe I let it bother me – FOR–A–MONTH!!
Once I saw what was really happening, an extremely bitter, unhappy person who, for whatever reason, decided I was to be the cause for his own miserable state of life, I was able to distance my personal feelings away from this mess. I could then decide to deal or not deal with his issues.
This happened to me even though at that time I had spent some years as a professional negotiator. I had the skill to know not to take things personally… but I did. I couldn’t understand why someone I didn’t really have much interaction with could be so spiteful, vindictive, so unhappy…. and take it out on me!
I wasn’t joking when I said earlier – Nothing Fazes Me…until it does.
So there you have it. This rule applies to any situation you may encounter. It is such an important Rule to remember that I repeat it at every seminar I’ve ever given-be it: negotiating; handling employee complaints; or in life.
So for a quick review:
Rule #1 Don’t take it Personally
Then it stands to follow that the 2nd rule has to be
RULE #2 DON’T TAKE IT PERSONALLY I really mean it!
After writing this post I think I need to sit back and relax. Let Mr MJ and Stevie Wonder tells us about being Just Good Friends…
Click the link below