My Apologies

Do we apologize too much?

Do we mean it when we do?  I sometimes wonder.  We all try to get ahead. Ahead of each other. We may not realize that. To get ahead, we mean to get ahead of you.  At what point, can we stop?

I no longer need to get ahead.  It’s not that I’m finished.  With anything. I’m still trying to reach my goals.   I’m just not competing with you. Anymore.

I used to know someone like that. He was  always trying to show he’s getting ahead. No stopping him. He wanted to leave a legacy.

He wanted to be all things to all people.  What is it you want to hear? He’d tell you. Be more aggressive. Be less aggressive.  No, of course not, that’s not what he meant.  Wait a minute, yes it was.  He flipped, then he flopped.

He got to the point where he wouldn’t talk to people if he thought they wouldn’t always agree with him. He was always hurt, because he was really a nice guy and couldn’t understand why people would have a different opinion.

Today a different day? Then today it’s a different tale.  He convinced himself he was loved. Then he was convinced everyone turned on him.  He ended up being true to no one. Least of all himself.  In a short time he could be depressed, happy, angry, sad.

And he would apologize. Constantly. It was as if he felt that if he did, then everyone he hurt, stepped on , would accept him better.

I once heard him say nothing ever hurt like… fill in the blank. It was always something beyond his control.  But he would always, always apologize.

After awhile, no one listened. Or cared. He eventually left his job.  Not sure where he was headed.  I think he got burned out.  He was already well into his thirties.

My take? Be true to the truth, the reality of each situation. Not just your version. Do what’s right, not just what is expected, or convenient or expedient.  Not always easy I admit.

Where is he now? I really don’t know. I haven’t seen him in awhile. I think he discovered he didn’t have to always get ahead to make a difference.

How did I know this guy?  He used to be me.



What Happened to your Generation?

With Your generation.
Not mine.

I grew up behind the love generation. Make love, not war. That generation.
Maybe it was my generation too.

We thought we would change the world.

I thought it was pretty cool. I was cool.
But what exactly happened. To you? To me?

The war I grew up with. Many thought was wrong.

War. Poverty. Environment. Ghettos. Prejudice. Government.
Don’t trust anyone.  Over 30 or older.

We were the generation that was going to change everything.
Looking back. Did we?

Did anything happen?
What changed?

Did anything get better? I’m not sure.
Maybe I’m a cynic.
Not much did.

It’s 2016.                                                                                                                                                          And we still are facing: War. Poverty. The Environment. Ghettos. Prejudice. The Government. Today, no one trusts or even likes the candidates running for President. Maybe LBJ and Nixon weren’t so bad after all.

We were right, right?  Even righteous.
Did we sell out?

Or did we just not know what would happen?
What little control we’d have.

Am I alone?

We wanted to change the world.
Did we?

Maybe we just needed to change ourselves.
One by one.

I knew hippies.
Now everyone claims to have been one.
Age related revisionism, no doubt.
I don’t know.
Maybe it’s just the time of the season.

Any advice for you? Not from me.
You’ll have to learn on your own.


Here Today – Update

I wrote this post last November. After I went to a friend’s party.

He passed away this week.
Many will miss him. He loved parties. I’m happy he enjoyed his own party last fall. He planned it all, too.

This year certainly hadn’t been easy for him.
But oh, did he enjoy his life. Everyone who knew him has a favorite story.
Here’s one more.
He told it to me with great pride, actually he told it to everyone he met.

A few years ago on New Year’s Eve, the last night a favorite local Italian restaurant was opened, before closing their doors for good, he did one last thing.

On the last night of the year, on the last night the restaurant would be open, He bought the last round of drinks. For everyone.

And that was Vito. To the end.
Rest in peace.

Our charity is having a party this weekend. I’m pretty sure Vito will be looking down and smiling.

From November 2016

I went to a party last night. A going away party.
The special guest just found out he has only a few months to live. I saw him and gave him a hug.
I told him something like “hang in there.”
Of all the things I could have, should have, said that’s what I came up with.
Hang in there.

He looked at me, probably feeling my awkwardness and responded by thanking me!
Then he said “You’ll never know how much it means to me that you came.”

And then he gave me another hug.
Like he was comforting me.

I write about reaching resolutions.
And one of the most important points is to know what you want.
In negotiations. In your work. In your life.
But I’ve come to discover that part of knowing what you want is coming to the realization that, in the whole scheme of things, not much I seek is very important.

And one major lesson learned is that today is very important.
Because it’s all the time I know I have.
Yesterday is gone. Too late to worry over.
Tomorrow may not ever come to pass.

My friend enjoyed his party. Seeing all those who made it out. To talk, to visit.
He seemed as happy as I’ve remembered.
He told stories, made jokes about us all.
A crack about one guest’s ability in his mid 60’s to still keep his hair color permanently black.
Or the time he went to jail. In a tux. Overnight. And how that night he truly found religion.
There were alot of stories.

He was living in the moment. And he was happy.

I don’t know when I’ll see him again.
But I do know this, he left me with as good advice as I’ve ever received.
Live each day. I may not be granted a tomorrow.

Take care my friend.

We aint’ ever getting older.

life is negotiable…

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