My Apologies

Do we apologize too much?

Do we mean it when we do?  I sometimes wonder.  We all try to get ahead. Ahead of each other. We may not realize that. To get ahead, we mean to get ahead of you.  At what point, can we stop?

I no longer need to get ahead.  It’s not that I’m finished.  With anything. I’m still trying to reach my goals.   I’m just not competing with you. Anymore.

I used to know someone like that. He was  always trying to show he’s getting ahead. No stopping him. He wanted to leave a legacy.

He wanted to be all things to all people.  What is it you want to hear? He’d tell you. Be more aggressive. Be less aggressive.  No, of course not, that’s not what he meant.  Wait a minute, yes it was.  He flipped, then he flopped.

He got to the point where he wouldn’t talk to people if he thought they wouldn’t always agree with him. He was always hurt, because he was really a nice guy and couldn’t understand why people would have a different opinion.

Today a different day? Then today it’s a different tale.  He convinced himself he was loved. Then he was convinced everyone turned on him.  He ended up being true to no one. Least of all himself.  In a short time he could be depressed, happy, angry, sad.

And he would apologize. Constantly. It was as if he felt that if he did, then everyone he hurt, stepped on , would accept him better.

I once heard him say nothing ever hurt like… fill in the blank. It was always something beyond his control.  But he would always, always apologize.

After awhile, no one listened. Or cared. He eventually left his job.  Not sure where he was headed.  I think he got burned out.  He was already well into his thirties.

My take? Be true to the truth, the reality of each situation. Not just your version. Do what’s right, not just what is expected, or convenient or expedient.  Not always easy I admit.

Where is he now? I really don’t know. I haven’t seen him in awhile. I think he discovered he didn’t have to always get ahead to make a difference.

How did I know this guy?  He used to be me.



What Happened to your Generation?

With Your generation.
Not mine.

I grew up behind the love generation. Make love, not war. That generation.
Maybe it was my generation too.

We thought we would change the world.

I thought it was pretty cool. I was cool.
But what exactly happened. To you? To me?

The war I grew up with. Many thought was wrong.

War. Poverty. Environment. Ghettos. Prejudice. Government.
Don’t trust anyone.  Over 30 or older.

We were the generation that was going to change everything.
Looking back. Did we?

Did anything happen?
What changed?

Did anything get better? I’m not sure.
Maybe I’m a cynic.
Not much did.

It’s 2016.                                                                                                                                                          And we still are facing: War. Poverty. The Environment. Ghettos. Prejudice. The Government. Today, no one trusts or even likes the candidates running for President. Maybe LBJ and Nixon weren’t so bad after all.

We were right, right?  Even righteous.
Did we sell out?

Or did we just not know what would happen?
What little control we’d have.

Am I alone?

We wanted to change the world.
Did we?

Maybe we just needed to change ourselves.
One by one.

I knew hippies.
Now everyone claims to have been one.
Age related revisionism, no doubt.
I don’t know.
Maybe it’s just the time of the season.

Any advice for you? Not from me.
You’ll have to learn on your own.


It’s December

What does it mean to you? Another year, come and about gone.
Elections done, now just waiting for the next one.
Is this a month of reflections?

Seems to me that slightly less than half are happy, just over half say they aren’t. Yet, no has left the country as far as I can tell.

I make it a practice to try and not follow the terribly aware crowd. Those who are aware of everything and can tell you how incorrect and insignificant your life, your beliefs, your standards are. Terribly bad.

I try to think for myself. It’s really hard. Everyday we are told how wrong we are, how right we could be if only.
Seems it’s easier to fall in line.

I was once told how I could never be like him.
I should just give up.

I’m still here, they are not. They may be alive, or maybe not. Point is they’re no longer relevant. To me at least, most likely to others.

They got stuck in their own importance. I met them many years ago. I’m still here.

About a year or two ago, I again met up with another wave of brainiacs.
I was told I just didn’t have the skill set they did. Maybe they’re right, I don’t have their set of skills. I only have my own.

Problem I’ve discovered with looking down at others, is you don’t often see those on either side of you. The people at your own level.
And you’re never aware of the ones looking down on you. And then either way you get smacked.

I wonder where will they be in a few years? Where will I land?
Can the past predict the future?

I don’t play the game, least not theirs.

Where do you stand?

Stay tuned.


Take it away the other jt…

life is negotiable…

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